Friday, December 31, 2004
Sunday, December 26, 2004
After living a decent life my time on earth came to an end. The first thing I remember is sitting on a bench in the waiting room of what I thought to be a courthouse. The doors opened, and I was instructed to come in and have a seat by the defense table.As I looked around I saw the prosecutor. He was a villainous-looking gent who snarled as he stared at me. He definitely was the most evil person I have ever seen.I sat down and looked to my left and there sat my lawyer, a kind and gentle looking man whose appearance seemed very familiar to me. The corner door flew open and there appeared the Judge in full, flowing robes. He commanded an awesome presence as he moved across the room and I couldn't take my eyes off of him. As he took his seat behind the bench he said, "Let us begin."The prosecutor rose and said, "My name is Satan, and I am here to show you why this man belongs in hell." He proceeded to tell of lies that I had told, things that I had stolen, and how I had cheated others in the past. Satan told of other horrible perversions that were once in my life, and the more he spoke the further down in my seat I sank. I was so embarrassed that I couldn't look at anyone, even my own lawyer, as the devil told of sins that even I had completely forgotten about.As upset as I was at Satan for telling all these things about me, I was equally upset at my representative who sat there silently not offering any form of defense at all. I knew I was guilty of those things, but I had done some good in my life,couldn't that at least equal out part of the harm I had done?Satan finished with a fury and said, "This man belongs in hell. He is guilty of all that I have charged, and there is not a person who can prove otherwise. Justice will finally be served this day."When it was his turn, my lawyer first asked if he might approach the bench. The Judge allowed this, over Satans strong objections, and beckoned him to come forward. As he got up and started walking I was able to see him now in his full splendor and majesty. Now I realized why he seemed so familiar, this was Jesus representing me, my Lord and my Savior.He stopped at the bench and spoke softly to the Judge, then turned to address the court. "Satan was correct in saying that this man has sinned, I wont deny any of these allegations. And yes, the wages of sin is death, and this man deserves to be punished."Jesus took a deep breath and turned to his Father with outstretched arms and proclaimed, "However, I died on the cross so that this person might have eternal life, and he has accepted me as his Savior, so he is mine."My Lord continued with, "His name is written in the book of life, and no one can snatch him from me. Satan still does not understand yet, this man is not to be given justice but rather mercy."As Jesus sat down, he quietly paused, looked at his Father and replied, "There is nothing else that needs to be done. I've done it all."The Judge lifted his mighty hand and slammed the gavel down and the following words bellowed from his lips, "This man is free. The penalty for him has already been paid in full, case dismissed."As my Lord led me away I could hear Satan ranting and raving, "I wont give up, Ill win the next one!"I asked Jesus, as he gave me my instructions, "Where to go next, Have you ever lost a case?"Christ lovingly smiled and said, "Everyone that has come to me and asked me to represent them has received the same verdict as you, paid in full."Touching Hearts ... Changing Lives ....
Tuesday, December 21, 2004
thks for all who cares. thks 4 e bookks. thks 4 all e commentts. thks 4 all e advises. bud is too latee.. we had fallen too deepp. too deep. is hard 2 get upp. is hard 2 let go of erything noww.
thks mum. 4 addin more pressuree on me. thanks. bud i don need it. at ALL.
will ma lifee be hardd. will i feel incompletee. will i regret and want to tik back my every word. paradise is so out of reachh.
Monday, December 20, 2004
im sori. i don want 2 answerr.i cant tok dru ma tears. im sori 4 being so coldd. i dont mean to. im sorii.... for evrythingg.
i love youu. i really do. can u trust me....................................
if u cant xcept me for who i am.
den leavee.
does being together means being seein each other evry dayy? sori bud im nt dat crzy overr you. yet. mayb all i need is tymm. u don lyk ppl who tiks away ur freedomm. bud, ur tikin away MY freedomm. don i have e right 2 go out wid ma gerfriends anymore? uhh. xcuse me. i wont b free on monday, tuesday , wednesday , thursday, christmas eve n christmas. live wid dat or leavee. forr all i caree.
i scold vulgar when i wants to. i did nt change. u took too long 2 realise who i really am. or u didn bother 2 really understand me bfore askin me dat damn qustionn.
for goodness sake. i need no guyy.
im taking youu for granteted again. damn mee.
Saturday, December 18, 2004
im afraid of the endingg. im afraid of changes.
ive gone dru 2 much. 2 blivee in foreverr.
forget bout e fairy tales. e stories.
theres no happy endingg.
pleease. prove me wrongg. pleease. don go near breakin me downn.
pleese. don ever leavee mee in de darkk.
all i ever wan 2 be in is ur armms.
Thursday, December 16, 2004
i didn mean to hurt anybodyy..............
but y even bother 2 waitt..?
ive learn to smile in between my tears. to consider trials pure joy. understad e word perservence. the ability to endure sufferings in lifee. and to smile. and be glad for the things i have.
bud.
no one is smiling back at mee.
Wednesday, December 15, 2004
ydae went town.
double dateee. me, him, his frien, n his frien's stead.
went cine. arcade. played daytona. i got last. den hockey. 2 against 2. den play spot e difference. den we went to watch blade trinity. i think. some NC16 showw. about zombies. quite nicee. alot 'fuck' words.
den hereen to tik neoprints.
den when to ps. arcade againn. dey played daytona. n de punchin thing. he punched really hard. is scaryy. he hurt his handd. sadd. den argued bout watchin moviee. i was caught in de middle. so i was quiett. at e end nvr watchh. den he ask me to choose a present. i rfuse. at e end nvr buy. den we went outdoor. to hug.
den went east coast. walked a bit. and sat on e rock.
in his arms is all i want i want to be in.
his lips r all i ever want to tasteee.
den sat taxi to sembawangg. fetch e ger backk. den went farrer parkk. den e guys took mrt from dere. taxi fare was bout 28 buckks. poor guys.
Tuesday, December 14, 2004
caught me unaware.
your love.
i never want to leave you.
Monday, December 13, 2004
don doubt me bcos of ma past. i changed.
didn feel that peck on ma head.
i let go of ur hand 2 fast. i didnt even realise.
a night to rmb.
e rooftop. a beautiful placee.
is coldd. bud i got youu.
i wish i dont have to leave.
foreverr.
i wont let u down either. u only noe so little bout me. and my past. n ur oready doubtin me. is time i should start changin maselff. i will.
is nt bcos i cant b bothered. bud cos i trust you.
convinced.
Sunday, December 12, 2004
i hope wad i did i s right. i hope evrything will b smooth. i hope dere will few set backs. i hope we will b serious. i hope hes nt playin. i hope is forever.
is a long tym since i do dis. i dono wad e future will b like. i dono if dis will endd.
i didn want ma decesions 2 hurt anyone. i didnt. i tot it was oveerrr. i was stoopid. yes. i still amm...
Saturday, December 11, 2004
2day. is jus not me. not me @ all. mind is jus blank most of e tym. was ma face xpressionless? or was zit loneliness u saw. i dono. even when ppl were tokin me. i didn reply. can sum1 tell me wad is happenin. confused. is nt moodswings. is just not. suths seriously wrong wid me. solve me. figure me out.
im jus not me.
i guess he gt all e hints. dat i failed e test of love.
wad do u even see in me. ur such an arse. blind la.
starve to please. ate nuth at all 2day. evryting i do is stoopid. im jus so out of my mind. really outta ma mind. feelin so weak rite now. serious headache. mayb all i need is 2 hang on.
thks to emi 4 tolerating ma rubbish 2day. thks 4 being dere. thanks.
happi bdae. to chinky. though we didn celebrate. which i dono y. bud happi bdaeee! ((=
Friday, December 10, 2004
something is missing. really missing. i dono wad iszit. really searchinn. really thinkin. iszit a friend? i got emi. i got yuan, karen, na. iszit enough? iszit a guy? nop. i noe i don need a guy 2 fulfill ma life. i lyk being free. iszit godd? nahh. ive walk in n out all ma life. n it don seems to be wad im really missin just yet.
what is missing. i really cant think of any.
bud deres suth rreally missin in ma lifee.
i don understand. ur so hard 2 please. i dono wad u want. all e while ive been tryin 2 help. i tried 2 go e way u want. can u at least appreciatee? cos now im really tired of pleasin ppl. bud i wont stopp. damn. i dono wad to do now. others b4 self. e way i want ma life to be.
e dinner was a bore. a waste of 50bucks. de dance was beautiful.
dread high heel shoes. at least ma skirt did nt drop.
a night 2 rmbb. where different generations of gb gers come together.
boredddd!
Thursday, December 09, 2004
if u wanna test ma love, i'll fail. i cant wait till u come back. is 28dec. nt 2mrl. i cant wait. i would rather fail. i cant bear to fail.
2day i meet him. feel so wierd. den i keep luffin. dono why. fell funny la. hahaaaz. v funny.
lamee.
Wednesday, December 08, 2004
evry endin,
is a new beginning.
ive got a ending,
wid 2 new beginnings.
dono what you wantt. u seems so uncertain. im nt sure wad i want eitherr. confused. i dono how 2 start. i dono how to end. stuck. i dono whick way to go, which choice to make. the difference btw right n wrongg.
ur not helpin either.
Tuesday, December 07, 2004
imm so boredd. went raffles todayy. i jus wont get tired of dat watermelon juicee. arugg. im missing it. saw a ripcurl bagg. is red n blackk. bud i don lyk ripcurl. or roxy. bud adidas bag suckk even moree. might be goin malaysia one of the sats. might b checkin wad kinda bags dey have.
i dread goin 2 skool 2mrl. i dread gb. i dread seein her. i dread seein jaewong. i dread wakin up @ 10am. i dread wearin skool shoes. i dread bbq. i dread evrything bout 2ml............ohh. no. i might b meetin him in da mornin. i don dread dat.
the truth ends evrything.
imm so boredd. went raffles todayy. i jus wont get tired of dat watermelon juicee. arugg. im missing it. saw a ripcurl bagg. is red n blackk. bud i don lyk ripcurl. or roxy. bud adidas bag suckk even moree. might be goin malaysia one of the sats. might b checkin wad kinda bags dey have. i dread goin 2 skool 2mrl. i dread gb. i dread seein her. i dread seein jaewong. i dread wakin up @ 10am. i dread wearin skool shoes. i dread bbq. i dread evrything bout 2ml............ohh. no. i might b meetin him in da mornin. i don dread dat.
the truth
imm so boredd. went raffles todayy. i jus wont get tired of dat watermelon juicee. arugg. im missing it. saw a ripcurl bagg. is red n blackk. bud i don lyk ripcurl. or roxy. bud adidas bag suckk even moree. might be goin malaysia one of the sats. might b checkin wad kinda bags dey have. i dread goin 2 skool 2mrl. i dread gb. i dread seein her. i dread seein jaewong. i dread wakin up @ 10am. i dread wearin skool shoes. i dread bbq. i dread evrything bout 2ml............ohh. no. i might b meetin him in da mornin. i don dread dat.
the
imm so boredd. went raffles todayy. i jus wont get tired of dat watermelon juicee. arugg. im missing it. saw a ripcurl bagg. is red n blackk. bud i don lyk ripcurl. or roxy. bud adidas bag suckk even moree. might be goin malaysia one of the sats. might b checkin wad kinda bags dey have. i dread goin 2 skool 2mrl. i dread gb. i dread seein her. i dread seein jaewong. i dread wakin up @ 10am. i dread wearin skool shoes. i dread bbq. i dread evrything bout 2ml............ohh. no. i might b meetin him in da mornin. i don dread dat.
evrything end here. as the truth
imm so boredd. went raffles todayy. i jus wont get tired of dat watermelon juicee. arugg. im missing it. saw a ripcurl bagg. is red n blackk. bud i don lyk ripcurl. or roxy. bud adidas bag suckk even moree. might be goin malaysia one of the sats. might b checkin wad kinda bags dey have. i dread goin 2 skool 2mrl. i dread gb. i dread seein her. i dread seein jaewong. i dread wakin up @ 10am. i dread wearin skool shoes. i dread bbq. i dread evrything bout 2ml............ohh. no. i might b meetin him in da mornin. i don dread dat.
evrything end here. as the
imm so boredd. went raffles todayy. i jus wont get tired of dat watermelon juicee. arugg. im missing it. saw a ripcurl bagg. is red n blackk. bud i don lyk ripcurl. or roxy. bud adidas bag suckk even moree. might be goin malaysia one of the sats. might b checkin wad kinda bags dey have. i dread goin 2 skool 2mrl. i dread gb. i dread seein her. i dread seein jaewong. i dread wakin up @ 10am. i dread wearin skool shoes. i dread bbq. i dread evrything bout 2ml............ohh. no. i might b meetin him in da mornin. i don dread dat.
evrything end here. as
imm so boredd. went raffles todayy. i jus wont get tired of dat watermelon juicee. arugg. im missing it. saw a ripcurl bagg. is red n blackk. bud i don lyk ripcurl. or roxy. bud adidas bag suckk even moree. might be goin malaysia one of the sats. might b checkin wad kinda bags dey have. i dread goin 2 skool 2mrl. i dread gb. i dread seein her. i dread seein jaewong. i dread wakin up @ 10am. i dread wearin skool shoes. i dread bbq. i dread evrything bout 2ml............ohh. no. i might b meetin him in da mornin. i don dread dat.
evrything end here.
imm so boredd. went raffles todayy. i jus wont get tired of dat watermelon juicee. arugg. im missing it. saw a ripcurl bagg. is red n blackk. bud i don lyk ripcurl. or roxy. bud adidas bag suckk even moree. might be goin malaysia one of the sats. might b checkin wad kinda bags dey have. i dread goin 2 skool 2mrl. i dread gb. i dread seein her. i dread seein jaewong. i dread wakin up @ 10am. i dread wearin skool shoes. i dread bbq. i dread evrything bout 2ml............ohh. no. i might b meetin him in da mornin. i don dread dat.
evrything end
imm so boredd. went raffles todayy. i jus wont get tired of dat watermelon juicee. arugg. im missing it. saw a ripcurl bagg. is red n blackk. bud i don lyk ripcurl. or roxy. bud adidas bag suckk even moree. might be goin malaysia one of the sats. might b checkin wad kinda bags dey have. i dread goin 2 skool 2mrl. i dread gb. i dread seein her. i dread seein jaewong. i dread wakin up @ 10am. i dread wearin skool shoes. i dread bbq. i dread evrything bout 2ml............ohh. no. i might b meetin him in da mornin. i don dread dat.
evrything
imm so boredd. went raffles todayy. i jus wont get tired of dat watermelon juicee. arugg. im missing it. saw a ripcurl bagg. is red n blackk. bud i don lyk ripcurl. or roxy. bud adidas bag suckk even moree. might be goin malaysia one of the sats. might b checkin wad kinda bags dey have. i dread goin 2 skool 2mrl. i dread gb. i dread seein her. i dread seein jaewong. i dread wakin up @ 10am. i dread wearin skool shoes. i dread bbq. i dread evrything bout 2ml............ohh. no. i might b meetin him in da mornin. i don dread dat.
Monday, December 06, 2004
held back. half written sentenses. guesses. hints. i want none.
a future dat holds broken promises.
shattered dreams.
shattered evrything.
is dat e future for uss.
its all written in me.
its repeatin again n again in ma head.
nuth lasts 4everr.
u can try provin me wrong.
i jus dream to b de ger sitting next to him. is suth lyk chasin rainbows. i can nvr catch it.
2day is class bbq. half e class turn upp? ummm. bowlin was ok. i gt de last. is nuth surprisin..yea? den went back 2 chalet 2 start bbq. use half of e starters jus 2 start e bbq. alvin was havin much fun yea? e firee. food is edible too. hahaz. after dat watch teebeee. n eat alot cuttlefisshh. is was wid me. ate alott of dem. karen, i don think cuttlefish is fattenin. iszit even kol cuttlefish? Xp after dat dono do wad in dde room. was i slpin? i forgott. den have bs. thks chinky 4 fetchin us home ya? the ee****'s mine. ((= all wel, wants 2 thk chinky 4 dis chalet thing. he paid a Big price 4 dis ya? thkss! (=
now i noe wad is lyk not to njoy suth dat is meant 2 b fun
when e person u loves not around
u jus have 2 get use 2 ppl dumpin youu. when dey feel lyk it. n askin u 2 comee backk 2 demm. when dey feel lyk it. get use 2 being kick n used. cos sumtyms. is jus bout gettin use to themm. u don have 2 understand. u jus hab 2 do wad dat person wants u 2. n time don heals. u jus get use 2 e pain, wid tym.
i went offline after enterin. i dono wad is e blank. i dono wad is his rply. or mayb dis is de last tym im tokin 2 him. i dono.
Friday, December 03, 2004
im sick.
went out wid karen na n yuan. i enjoyed maselff. de day was kinda ruined though. karen was glumm. n dey 'kinda' quralled. i don understand. cant dey jus njoy? dey even 'spill' e postcareds on de floor. make all of us so malu. i dono how 2 put it. cos i keep deleatin wad i wrote here. thinkin its too harshh. all well. i do njoy e dayy. bud i do hope u guys will changee too. reena. im glad i don hab ur mum. how 2 live w/o skirts dat is shorter den skool skirt? hahaha. bud it suit u. yeaa. karen. we just got different taste. yuan. im glad u turned up. i was gettin a headache from ma other 2 gerfriends. gaspin 'OH DIS IS SO CUTE' at so many things. bud i was sufferin in silencee. w/o e sweather. hahaz. sound so 'wei da'. n dey keep sayin im smooth. *bluushh* lolx. den i say i bathe in HL milk until so loud. someone i dono was stared at me.
n pls. buy anything 4 me. bud not jewelries. i don even noe hw 2 spell it. bud even toliet paper wid flowerprints sounds nicer.
went town wid emi 2day. 4 e fun of going. n i missed her. so duhh.
i might b crazy. bud im nt 1 of e young gers crazy 4 sly. no. bud i do hate e insults bout himm. taufik is no where btrr. hes so distantt. sly is jus more singaporean wid his singglishh. bud i admit i do lyk slyy. esp after seein him at heeren. call mie shallow. who cares. u cant stop me from likin some1.
im stalkeed. in e bathroom. while i was bathin. i locked da door. he still came in. damnn. at least deres anuth door. transulent. N HE STAY DERE N CONTINUE STYLING HIS HAIR. arugg. i swear im gonna open e door when he bathe e nxt tym. n
mayb open e anuth door.
i went 2 e airport. he was gonee.it aint ma fault. though i was latee. by a few minutes.i reached dere at 4:40. n he checked in at arnd 4+. so. duhh. sadd. was held up by some guys. asked me buy some stoopid things dat cost me 5bucks. i bought. dey ask. erm. some stoopid qus. n i actually ignored n rann. despite e fact dat dey r cute.
n i still missed himm. n hes only coming backk on 28dec. tokin wid him rite noww. though sumtyms hes jus plain dumb. n rtard. budd. duh. e song he sent seems to make much sense now. or mayb it doesnt mean anything at all. i donoo.
dreamt of a cat biting me. damn. woke up screamin. im such a rtardd. bang head*
is stil fun all i want now. i tot i changed. bud no. i didnt.
....i nvr found e words 2 say, the way i feel about you each day.
